


Vary My Days

by ThoughtfulConstellations



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), DCU (Movies)
Genre: Barebacking, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Memory Loss, Post-Batman #46, Pre-Batman #49
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:45:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6012106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtfulConstellations/pseuds/ThoughtfulConstellations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julie had known it the second she saw a picture of “the Batman” on TV. She'd taken one look at the man on the screen, and she'd stopped, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. She knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vary My Days

**Author's Note:**

> After Batman #49, I had a lot of feelings so I wrote this =)
> 
> Just as a safety note: In the Bruce/Julie world where I write, Julie's on birth control, and she and Bruce are both healthy and have discussed condom-less sex. However, I need to get on a soap box for a quick second to say that safe sex is important! Condoms are great! So are other alternative forms of birth control! Be safe!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I live for feedback, so if you liked it, please tell me and maybe leave a kudos ;)
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> "You've Haunted Me All My Life" - Death Cab for Cutie  
> "Like Real People Do" - Hozier
> 
> Enjoy! =)

Julie knew it the second she saw a picture of “the Batman” on TV. She took one look at the man on the screen, and she stopped, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. She knew. It wasn’t that she came back to Gotham _because_ of Bruce Wayne, _because_ of Batman, but there was something about both Bruce Wayne and Batman on TV…something about what he was doing in all areas of his life that told her she had to stop playing around at trying to be an artist and to come home. Come home and give back the only way she could.

“Jules? Jules…hello, Jules.”

She blinks hard and snaps out of her daydream as she notices Bruce’s hand in front of her face. Glancing over at him, she sees him looking at her with an expression that’s both concerned and amused. “Oh. Hey.”

“Someone’s deep in thought,” he says, leaning his elbows onto the counter as he looks at her. “You’ve got paint all over your face.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess I do,” she says with a small smile as she takes a quick peek at her hands. “I just needed a quick drink break. I’ve been in front of the easel all day, and my muscles are a bit stiff, anyway.”

Bruce crosses towards her and puts his large hands on her shoulders, gently starting up a slow but effective massage. It’s like he knows exactly how to touch her, which parts of her body he needs to apply pressure to in order to get her to release the tension she’s holding. Closing her eyes, she lets out a sigh.

“That’s nice,” she murmurs. “Thank you. Sorry I’ve been so…” She makes a gesture with her hand to indicate that she’s aware her presence hasn’t actually been around, and Bruce squeezes her shoulder, his touch still gentle.

“You haven’t had a lot of time to paint these days. It’s nice that you’ve been able to today.”

“I feel like I’m neglecting you,” she says apologetically as she lets her chin drop forward to her chest.

“I’ve been holding down the fort. I was just taking care of the paint order form. In about three weeks, we should have forty new watercolor sets.” He tucks his face into the back of her neck and smiles as he hugs her from behind now.

“God, you’re a lifesaver,” she sighs. The words are out before she even notices, and after she’s said them, her eyes pop open. If only he has any idea how true the statement is, she thinks. Quiet, she waits for him to call her on it, but if he notices, he doesn’t say. She’s always paranoid whenever little moments like that happen. She _knows_ she’s being paranoid—she knows he doesn’t remember anything about who he is, and he’s content with that. But still. She’s always afraid that one word will trigger something, and he’ll remember everything.

“You’re quiet,” Bruce mumbles. His voice is low and soft, and it makes her think of the aftershocks of an earthquake in summer. “You still thinking about your dad?”

“No,” she truthfully replies. “His hearing will come, and it’ll go, and the world will keep on turning no matter what. I mean, yes, I’m still worried, but…I’m not thinking about that right now.”

At that, Bruce puts his hands on her waist, and he turns her around to face him. “Then what?”

“I’m just tired.” She reaches up and kisses him sweetly on the nose. “That’s it. I’ve been in the studio all day, and I’ve got a bit of a headache. So I’m fine. Just tired.”

For a second, it looks like Bruce is going to accept that, and then he frowns the smallest bit. “I don’t know how I know when you lie, but I do. I can read it all over your face, Jules.”

Julie leans into his touch a little more as she looks up at him. She still hasn’t gotten used to how much he’s grown up and filled out since he was a kid. Back then, he’d been a solid but somewhat lanky teenage boy with a crew cut and the sweetest face, the warmest eyes. Now he’s all hard muscle and thick body. Not that Julie minds, course. God, she doesn’t mind, she thinks as she takes a moment to listen to his heartbeat as it thumps rhythmically beneath his shirt.

Bruce seems to notice her reluctance, and he rubs her back for a brief moment before pulling back and looking down at her. “Come on.”

Julie stares at him, blinking in silence as he tugs at her hand. He looks back at her with those beautiful blue eyes of his, and Julie hates herself for how hard he makes it to say no to her when he’s got eyes as bright and beautiful as his are. “What?”

“Come on. You need a cool down. Your mind’s on overload, and you need to give it a rest.” He tugs on her hand again, and this time, she follows.

“Where are you taking me?” she asks.

“Shower,” he says simply.

She pauses and gives him a look, but she smiles as she does it. “The last time you grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shower, you proposed to me. Please tell me you don’t have another life-changing question you want to throw on me.”

Bruce gives her that smirk she’s associated with him for years, and he tugs on her hand even harder. “I don’t hear you _complaining_ over the fact that I proposed to you. In fact, I think you gave me a very enthusiastic yes.”

“The yes and the enthusiasm were from the sex,” she corrects him as he gives her a mock offended look.

“You wound me,” he says, but he doesn’t release her hand until they’re in the bathroom, and he has to let go to get the shower going. Julie shuts the door behind them and starts stripping her clothes off right away. She’s never been shy about getting naked in front of people, especially Bruce, who always looks at her naked body like he’s just received the world’s greatest gift. She doesn’t feel particularly self-conscious over her body when he’s got that…that _look_ on his face.

Bruce straightens back up and starts shedding his clothes, too. If he notices her gaze on him, he doesn’t notice, instead taking every bit of his clothing off until it’s on the ground, and he’s every bit as naked as she is. If Julie didn’t have so much on her mind, she might drop some kind of flirty comment, but she finds herself noticing all the remnants of Batman left on his body. Her eyes trail over scars she’s kissed both with her lips and her fingertips. She sees bullet wounds, slashes, gashes, and marks so unworldly that she can’t even imagine what the thing that caused them looked it.

But she sees Batman in more than just his skin. Like the detective he used to be, she detects Batman inside him. She notices the smoothness of Batman, the grace, in Bruce’s movements. And if she looks hard enough, she can even find Batman’s brutality lurking deep beneath his muscles. As she pulls her hair down out of its messy bun, her eyes glued to him, Bruce turns around to look at her.

“Enjoying the view?” he asks drily, stepping towards the shower.

“Yes,” she says with a smile. Even though she sees memories of not so happy times embedded in his body, she can still feel happy when she looks at him.

Fully stripped now, Julie follows him, and she steps into the shower behind him. Bruce waits until she’s all the way inside, and he steps out of the way for her to wet her long red hair first since it takes longer than it would for him. Julie steps into the hot spray, letting out a quiet sigh that’s barely audible. She hadn’t realized how much she needed this, and she silently sends Bruce a thanks for convincing her to take a break. Keeping her back to the stream of water, she tilts her head back and lets it wet her hair until it’s heavily plastered to the back of her neck.

When she’s done, she steps out of the way for Bruce to get his hair wet, too. She doesn’t really need to wash her hair since she’d washed it last night, but she grabs the soap to clean the flecks of paint off her hands, arms, and face. Eventually, Bruce steps forward and takes the soap from her to get a spot on her cheek that she missed. Julie’s quiet as she smiles up at him, watching him concentrate on getting that small spot on her face clean, and she wraps her arms lightly around his waist. There isn’t anything sexual in her touch, nothing suggesting that she wants more than this because right now, she holds him simply because she needed to hold him.

And he lets her. Bruce lets her hold him, and he lets his arms go around her to hold her back. Julie rests her wet head against his wet chest, and they simply stand there like that for a while with the hot water beating down her back and Bruce’s heartbeat against her cheek. They’ve always been good at intimacy, Julie notices. Even in high school, they’d been able to talk to each other and look at each other in a way that shut out the rest of the world until it was just the two of them. Whether it was because that was just who they were together or because Bruce has always been that intense, she doesn’t know, but she knows that they’ve been good at being with each other and being comfortable.

Finally, she pulls away, and she looks up at him. “Do you ever want to know more about who you were before?” she asks.

He blinks, a little taken back by the question, and then he gives her a confused little frown. “I do. I get to read about it all over the Internet. Who I was…who people still expect me to be…I know all about Bruce Wayne.”

“No,” she says gently. “I mean…who you were _really_. I know you asked Alfred not to tell you any more when you were at the manor that one time, but do you ever want to know?”

Bruce’s arms tighten back around her, and he looks down at her, still confused but a little more understanding of what she was asking. “I suppose. Sometimes I think it’d be nice to know who I was. To figure out these answers. But if I know who I was, then that’ll shape who I’m supposed to become, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to force myself to be someone I was when that isn’t who I am anymore. Does…does that make sense?”

Julie nods, processing everything he’s just said. _You were Batman_ , she thinks. _You saved the city. Hundreds of times. Even thousands._ She struggles every day with whether or not she should tell him, but in his words is a sense of finality. He’s left that life behind, and he doesn’t want it back. If she told him…if Alfred told him…he wouldn’t ever forgive them, and she’s not sure she could blame him for it.

“Yeah,” she winds up replying. “It does. I was just wondering is all. If you ever felt curious and wanted to know more.”

Bruce shrugs. “No. I’m ok not knowing.”

“Does it upset you whenever I tell you stories about our high school days?” she asks, suddenly a little extra worried that she’s been hurting his recovery process instead of helping, but he gives her a look.

“What? No. Not at all, Jules. I _ask_ you to tell me about us then. About you and about me. There’s a difference. I never asked Alfred to tell me about my life because I didn’t want to know. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t be the person he expects me to be. I have no memory of that life. But you…you don’t have any expectations for me. You’ve never pushed me or pressured me into anything you wanted me to be, and that’s one of the reasons why I love you, Jules.”

She searches his face for any amount of insincerity, any sign that he might be saying he doesn’t mind because he doesn’t want to hurt or feelings or make her feel bad for telling him stories of how they’d made it through their high school years, and yet she doesn’t find anything but genuine feeling in his face, in his eyes. “Ok. I just wanted to check. That’s all.”

“When I ask, that’s when I want to know,” he replies, and he leans down to kiss her forehead. Closing her eyes, Julie leans into his kiss and feels how sweetly he handles her. God, she’s seen the video clips and the pictures of Batman. She’s seen how his hands and his arms destroy and hurt, but he’s so gentle with her. He’s gentle and tender and everything she remembers loving about him when he’d been young.

“This was a good idea,” she says after a few moments. “I already feel better.”

“Good.” Bruce pushes a piece of hair that’s been stuck to her cheek out of the way, and he gives her that soft smile that makes her weak in the knees. “Ready to get out?”

“Yes.” She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses his nose before letting him turn the shower off. “You remembered me saying that hot showers relax me?”

“I do, yes. You’ve told me about how you used to get so frustrated when painting that you’d just storm out of the studio and go hop in the shower right away,” Bruce says, a small smile tugging at his mouth. “I wish I could remember that.”

“You liked watching me work.” Julie leans out and grabs their towels, handing Bruce’s to him as she wraps hers around her waist. “You’d come in and do homework while I worked on a sculpture or a painting…whatever I was tackling that week, so you saw me do plenty of storming out to go cool off.”

“I wish I could remember,” he repeats, his gaze turning a little frustrated.

“Hey,” she says quickly. “It’s ok. It’s fine. Don’t force it, remember?” She goes back to him and kisses him on the cheek. “It’s ok that you don’t remember.”

“Is it?” he asks, that same dry tone back in his voice.

“Yes,” she firmly replies as she looks straight into his eyes. “It’s ok.”

She kisses him again soft and tender, and his mouth parts the slightest bit to accept her careful kisses. He’s so close to her that she can smell how warm and clean he is, the scent she loves the best. Bruce’s hands wrap around the back of her neck to pull her closer in to him, his touch mirroring hers in that it’s nothing but gentle.

“So this is how it is?” he asks her in between kisses. He’s trying to flirt, but it doesn’t really come across as flirting. If anything, it comes across as a quiet, almost desperate kind of need.

“Yes,” she simply replies before going back to kiss him again. Bruce takes his cue from her, and he lifts her up into his arms, carrying her bridal style. With a few quick moves, he has her out of the shower, and he’s walking out the door of the bathroom and towards the bed to lay her down on top of it. Julie’s towel rides up above her thighs as he sets her down and moves over her. She doesn’t bother to cover up at this point because there really isn’t a point anymore. When Bruce looks at her like this, and when she’s grabbing at him the way she’s currently grabbing at his shoulders, there’s no sense in trying to be modest in how much they want each other. As he lowers himself over her, her body feels the contact of his, and she can feel a different kind of heat began to rush over his skin—the heat from the shower is gone, and the only heat she can feel from him is the external heat of his body and the internal heat of her own blood. Bruce’s hands brush over her towel, and suddenly, she has no idea where her towel is at all.

Before either of them knows it, they’re completely naked, their bodies still slightly damp and pink from the pressure of the shower water falling on them. Bruce tucks his head into Julie’s neck down by her collarbone, and he moves his hand between them to push her thighs open.

Only one message is conveyed as he touches her: he needs her. He needs to know that she’s here with him. His fingers move up her thigh and between her legs to feel how wet she is. Quickly, he touches her and lets out a quiet groan before he’s moving his hips to position himself. Julie’s hands wrap around the back of his head as she pulls his face back up to meet her mouth. Even though he hasn’t said a single word in these few short moments, she knows what he needs. God, she can _feel_ his need radiating off of him, or maybe she’s just picking up on her own need for him. By now, she isn’t sure, but she doesn’t care as she tilts her hips up to meet him.

And just like that, he pushes inside her. Julie holds her breath, and she closes her eyes as he gives her time to adjust to the new feeling. No matter how many times they have sex, she’ll never be fully used to just how large he is. She remembers the first time they’d had sex after they’d been dating for a while. Bruce had relied on her like he relied on no one else. He was still confused about the world around him, but he always looked at her like she was the one thing that made sense to him.

She remembers the first time she’d gotten him naked post-Endgame, and she remembers staring at him when she saw his size again. Yes, she’d lost her virginity to him in high school, but it had been some years since. He’d been so slow and careful with her that night, so afraid he’d hurt her, but he hadn’t. He’s never hurt her because he’s always been so kind and considerate, just like he’s being with her right now. She knows it isn’t easy for him to take a few moments to wait when their bodies are both craving each other so intensely, and so when she feels that odd aching pressure relax into a warm relief, she kisses him hard. She just kisses him and releases the breath she’s been holding this whole time. Slowly, Bruce pulls his hips back, and then he pushed back in, his pace still slow and even.

A soft groan passes from between his lips and into her mouth, and when Julie opens her eyes to look at him, she sees that his eyes are closed as he focuses on how she feels. Bruce’s blue eyes snap open again, and Julie’s gazing at him with her own blue eyes slightly darker and a little hazier from all the pleasure she’s feeling. Her mouth hangs open just the smallest bit, and she’s breathing slowly but heavily. Bruce sighs at the sight, reaching down to her thigh and carefully pressing her leg against his hip. Just like magic, he gets the reaction he wanted—her hips tilt upwards against him, giving him deeper access, and her grip on his shoulders increases even more.

Julie pulls her knees up higher and wraps her legs around Bruce’s waist, locking him against her while simultaneously pushing him farther inside her. Her moans are soft, as if she’s whispering a secret to him when honestly, it’s not a secret how he’s making her feel right now. He’s slow as he thrusts in and out between her legs, and Julie isn’t sure she can ever remember him going so slowly except for maybe the time they’d lost their virginity. Most of the time, their sex is passionate—they’re grabbing and grinding and pressing and pulling on any and all parts of each other, whether it ends with Bruce pressing her back into the mattress as he fucks into her or Julie holding him down while she rides him. Even when the sex is slow, there’s an undeniably intimate quality lingering beneath the surface.

But this time is different. Julie doesn’t know what it is, but having him so close and so warm against her almost makes her want to cry. She wonders if it’s because he’s trusting her completely with himself, with all of himself. He’s never said it out loud to her, but she knows that he would do anything for her at any time, that he would create universes and destroy realities if it were what she asked him to do. He trusts her implicitly, and she knows it.

Usually, she doesn’t reach orgasm unless Bruce is going harder and faster, but she can already feel that slow, hot burn building up between her thighs. She can tell Bruce is feeling it, too, by the way his eyebrows begin drawing together in a concentrated frown. H’s holding back—she knows that much, and she doesn’t even need to look at him to tell it. She can feel it in his entire body and how he holds his tension and his thrusts. She knows he’s forcing himself to remain slow and steady from how he presses himself into her as far as he can go before withdrawing. With each thrust, he buries himself fully and completely within her.

Julie moans a little louder as she really feels her orgasm come closer and closer. Bruce’s mouth is on her lips, her collarbone, her neck, her cheeks, her hair. He’s kissing her everywhere, and yet she can’t get enough of him. His strokes become longer and more languid, pushing and pushing until he can’t go farther. He hits that spot inside her that she needs, and with one more thrust, he’s got her where he wants her. Julie’s body goes numb as she grasps him to her, her nails digging into the skin of his back, and she gasps softly as she feels hot pleasure spread out from between her legs and into the rest of her body.

She’s lost control of her breath, she feels herself tighten around him as she comes. Pressing his lips to her collarbone, Bruce pushes forward into her several more times, and then he lets out a long, low groan against her skin. He comes hard, and Julie closes her eyes as she feels his semen pulse inside her body.

His breathing ragged, he doesn’t take his mouth away from that sensitive spot near her neck. He has no control over his body anymore—at this point, all he can feel is her. He doesn’t entirely collapse on top of her, but he keeps enough weight on her that Julie feels just how heavy his entire bulk is. Without saying a word, she begins rubbing his sides and his back as she waits for him to come down. Bruce is always so intense in everything he does that even when he comes, he’s intense as hell, too. After a few silent moments, he turns his head to the side and rests it against the top of her shoulder, looking at her with dilated pupils.

He doesn’t stay long, though, and he gives her cheek a warm kiss before he carefully pulls out of her and rolls over to the side before trying to scoop her into his arms. She takes his hand and stops him, but she kisses him firmly on the mouth.

“Got to go clean up real quick,” she murmurs. “I’ll be back.”

Bruce’s eyes flutter, and he nods as he falls back into the bed. Julie quickly goes to the bathroom and cleans up, hurrying to get through it because she’s freezing at this point without his hot body near her. When she’s done, she goes scurrying back into the bed, jumping under the covers and curling up against him as he wraps his arms around her again. As she’s getting comfortable, Bruce mumbles something she can’t quite hear.

“Hmm?” she asks.

“Can’t believe I get to marry you,” he repeats a little louder. “It’s just…it blows my mind.”

“Someone had a good orgasm,” she teases him, and he turns those eyes of his on her to look straight into.

“No,” he says, his voice serious. “Jules…I get to marry you, and that’s amazing for me. I’m just feeling lucky right now. That’s all. I’m serious.”

“I know you are,” she replies. Sobering up a little, she puts her hand on his beard and stares back into his eyes. “I know, hon.”

“You asked me if I ever wanted to know about my past…if I wanted to know more about who I was…” Bruce trails off as he frowns, as he tries to think of how to word this to her. “Yes, I do. I want to know more about the kind of man I was, but also…I don’t. That’s just not who I am anymore, and if I tried to force myself to be him, then I still wouldn’t really be finding out who I am _now_. And…and that’s ok.”

Julie reaches up and pushes some of his drying hair off his forehead. “Yeah?”

“Yes. Because if who I was kept me from you, then I don’t want to be that man,” he says, simple and straightforward. There isn’t any melodrama or even any exaggeration in the moment. He’s speaking from the heart now. “You said when you came back after Zero Year I was too busy to reconnect with you, yes?”

“Yes,” she says with a nod.

“I don’t want to be that man. If he was able to turn you down before, then I don’t want to be that kind of person. I’m sure there wasn’t anything wrong with him, but I like who I am now. With you and without you, Jules.” He starts lightly tracing one of the tattoos on her arm. “I don’t have things figured out for myself, but who does? I think that’s part of being alive, and I’d rather figure that out as who I am now with you than as the man I was before. 

Julie’s very quiet as she listens to him, and then she leans up to kiss him, her mouth soft and pliable against his. She spends a few moments just kissing him, and then she pulls back to gaze at him. Her eyes trail over his face as if she’s searching for any shadow of who he used to be, any shadow that Batman isn’t as far under the surface as she’d previously believed.

“Ok,” she whispers. “Alright.”

“Does that sound good to you?”

“Yes.” She kisses him again and moves so that she’s straddling his waist and his hands are on her hips. “It sounds perfect.”

Bruce’s mouth latches onto hers, and when she kisses him, all she tastes is love. She tastes love and content against his tongue, and she even tastes that bit of darkness that she believes will always lurk beneath his skin. She’ll always be able to see Batman in him because she’s always seen it. Even when they’d been in high school, she’d seen Batman dying to be born, and she wonders that if Bruce had known she’d known back during Zero Year, and that was why he’d turned down their meeting.

 _How much do you know?_ she longs to ask him, but she never will, she promises herself as Bruce sucks a purple spot beneath her ear. Not until he asks first. She can’t do that to him, but most of all, she won’t. Batman has lived long enough, she tells herself.

For right now, she’s going to let Bruce Wayne live.


End file.
